I Watched Men Undress at the UN, I Ditched My Tie 5 Minutes Later.
This week's post is about the psychology of permission.
Happy Saturday,
There's a heatwave in Geneva. Last week it's been 35+ degrees.
Though it's supposed to finally rain a bit tomorrow.
I thought I’d share something I observed at the UN Human Rights Council during this heat which is also a “tell” about permission.
I've been watching male negotiators slowly surrender to the weather over three weeks.
The evolution of male negotiators' dress code told the whole story:
Week 1: Full suits, diplomatic dignity intact
Week 2: Still suited up, but questioning life choices
Week 3, Day 1: Suits but visibly melting
Week 3, Day 2: Ties quietly disappeared
Week 3, Day 3: Jackets abandoned, survival mode activated
Week 3, Day 4: Sleeves rolled up, surrender to the elements
The tipping point?
Week 3, Day 1:
The HRC President apologized for not wearing a tie.
While sitting next to the High Commissioner. Who was still wearing one.
That was it. Permission granted.
I ditched my tie 5 minutes later.
The Authority to Be Human
Turns out all it takes is one person in authority to admit what everyone's thinking: "This is ridiculous."
But here's what's fascinating about permission structures in formal spaces. Nobody was stopping anyone from removing their tie. There's no UN dress code enforcement squad. No protocol police checking collar buttons.
The constraint was entirely psychological.
Everyone was waiting for someone else to go first. And not just anyone. Someone with enough authority that their choice wouldn't be seen as disrespect or unprofessionalism.
How Permission Actually Works
I see this pattern constantly in negotiations. People know what makes sense. They can see obvious solutions. But they won't act until someone with the right credentials gives them permission.
The psychology runs deeper than you'd think. In formal spaces, we're all performing roles. Diplomat. Negotiator. Professional. These roles come with invisible scripts about what's acceptable behavior.
Breaking script feels dangerous. What if people think you're not serious?
What if you lose credibility? What if you damage relationships?
So we wait. We suffer through heatwaves in suits. We avoid obvious solutions. We maintain forms that serve no function.
Until someone with enough authority says "this is silly."
This same pattern plays out with other major moves at the UN.
The budget liquidity crisis? Every State is pissed off about the UN bureaucracy telling them what to do in their house, but nobody moves until the big players signal it's safe.
The Iran situation? The majority want the Human Rights Council to react on day 1, but wait to see which way the big players like China lean before taking positions.
It's not just the UN. It's human nature. Whether it's dress codes or diplomatic crises, we're all watching for someone with enough authority to give us permission to do what we already know makes sense.
The Permission Hierarchy
Not all permission is created equal. The junior delegate removing their tie doesn't give others permission. It just makes them look unprofessional.
The department head doing it might give permission to their team. But not the broader room.
The HRC president doing it? That’s the permission everyone was waiting for.
I've watched this hierarchy in action across every formal space I've been in. The more authority you have, the more permission you can grant. But also, the more people are watching to see what you'll do.
That HRC President wasn't just making a personal comfort choice. He was setting norms for the entire council session. And he knew it.
Breaking the Script
The most effective negotiators I know understand permission structures intuitively.
I’ve had coffee with a negotiator last week and he said that many times he has little instructions in negotiations, so he just goes into a negotiation and waits until one State with authority says something and then just jumps on the bandwagon.
They also know when they have enough authority to break script. And when they need to wait for someone else to go first.
But they also know how to manufacture permission. How to create situations where the authority figure wants to be the one who says "this is ridiculous."
During endless technical discussions about carbon market mechanisms, I'll ask "Are we overthinking this?" Simple question. But it gives the lead negotiator permission to cut through the complexity.
"You know what? Maybe we are."
Permission granted. Discussion streamlined.
The Real Leadership Move
Leadership isn't just about maintaining standards. It's also about being the first to acknowledge when those standards don't make sense anymore.
The HRC President could have suffered through his discomfort.
Maintained diplomatic dignity. Let everyone else sweat it out.
Instead, he chose humanity over hierarchy. Comfort over convention.
That's not weakness. That's emotional intelligence in institutional settings.
The Broader Pattern
This plays out everywhere. Any meeting you could end up in has a situation where everyone knows the strategy isn't working but nobody wants to say it first.
Academics at the UNPFII cling to jargon they “invented” that serves nobody. Gatherings where people maintain conversations nobody enjoys.
Another meeting where somebody is waiting to say either of the following things:
You’re used to being right because nobody around you pushes back.
Your confidence shows up. Your competence doesn’t.
You think dominance earns respect. It doesn’t.
You’re certain about everything. Even the stuff you get wrong.
You’re not intimidating. Just loud enough to be uncomfortable.
We're all waiting for permission to be honest. To be practical. To be human.
Before You Go
Next time you're in a formal space and something feels ridiculous, pay attention to the permission structure.
Who has the authority to call it out? How can you create space for them to do so?
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is give someone permission to state the obvious.
"Are we all thinking the same thing here?"
"Does anyone else think this is more complicated than it needs to be?"
"Is it just me, or is this not working?"
Simple questions that create psychological space for honesty.
Because somewhere in that formal room, behind all the performance and protocol, there are humans who want to take off their ties and solve actual problems.
You just need to give them permission.
See you next week!